Discernment Counseling: A Path to Clarity and Direction for Ambivalent Couples

It’s been said that marriage is complex and a lot of work. When both partners share a common vision and are invested in the process, marriage counseling can be a lifeline for struggling relationships. But what if you don’t know if you want to be married anymore? What if you are desperate to save your marriage, but your spouse isn’t sure? Living with ambivalence in a marriage, whether your own or your partner’s, can be grueling. Traditional couples therapy is often unsuccessful with “mixed-agenda” couples, where one spouse is leaning out of the marriage, and one partner is leaning in, desperately trying to save the relationship. Couples stuck in this place could benefit from Discernment Counseling.

“Discernment”: noun – the ability to judge well

“Discernment Counseling”: noun – a therapeutic approach increasing your ability to judge your marital options well

Discernment Counseling is NOT marriage counseling. So what is it? It is a time-limited (1 to 5 sessions maximum) decision-making process that allows each partner to gain clarity and confidence in the direction of the marriage. This process identifies the areas of struggle in the marriage but does not dive into fixing the issues. The goal of discernment counseling is to choose one of three options:

· To keep things the same in the marriage

· Decide to separate/divorce

· Agree to a 6-month reconciliation with couples therapy

Discernment Counseling allows each spouse to gain a deeper understanding of what has occurred in the relationship. Each session is 90 minutes to 2 hours in length. Each discernment session is a combination of time spent with the couple together and with each partner individually. This allows both partners the space to explore their feelings about their marriage, examine how each partner contributes to problems in the relationship, and determine how they want to proceed.

Therapists trained in discernment counseling understand the complexities of ambivalence and feeling stuck when your relationship is at a crossroads. Couples that initiate the discernment process are often conflicted and unsure of how to move forward. Discernment Counselors meet each couple and each individual where they are in the process without pressure to commit to a specific path. With the help of an objective, supportive therapist, Discernment Counseling gives each partner the opportunity to thoughtfully consider their options moving forward and communicate those to their spouse.

If you feel stuck and are tired of living with ambivalence in your marriage, talk to your partner about Discernment Counseling and reach out to Memorial Family Connections. We have two experienced therapists on staff with extensive training in Discernment Counseling, and we are here to help. Contact us today to move your relationship in a new direction.