Throughout this election year, like most of you, I have felt sorrow, fear, grief, and anxiety with all the uncertainty the future holds. Between the nonstop political divisiveness, the harsh rhetoric, the conspiracy theories, and the media wars, it can feel quite overwhelming. The pervasive feeling of anxiety looms as the state of the country feels fragile and uncertain. As a therapist, I am in conversation about these very topics on a daily basis with my clients, and I can see the despair and the emotional toll this has on our collective mental health. All voters have important core values that drive their beliefs and when these values feel threatened, there is tremendous fear and anxiety.  Political strategists understand this and use this to push their agendas.  Fear is an incredibly motivating factor that drives human behavior.  It is easy to get swept up in it and feel like the world we live in is so fragile and everything that matters to us and feels sacred to us can be gone in an instant. Our children absorb this anxiety and listen to all the adult commentary about how broken the world is.  This shapes their sense of safety, their sense of trust, and has a profound impact on their mental health.  As this election comes to a close (hallelujah!!), we will have a lot of work to do to recover from the emotional turmoil in this country.  How we move forward in victory or defeat, will have a profound impact on our relationships, our mental health, and our ability to have a positive impact on the world.  In the aftermath of this election, it is time to hold ourselves to the highest standards in how we show up to our (virtual and real) communities, our relationships, our places of work, our places of worship, and our families.  No matter who the elected leaders are in this country, we have a lot of work to do to repair the damage we have done to each other during this election cycle and work to foster a culture of decency and respect.

As you prepare for the aftermath of this election, I encourage you to stay grounded in these principles:

ACCEPT THE RESULTS AND LET IT BE. When the election results come in, respond with decency and humility. Accept the outcome and let it be.

If your candidate wins, breathe a sigh of relief and process your feelings privately or with your small circle.  While you may feel hope and relief, understand that there are millions of others that are grieving and feel afraid.  The issues that feel sacred and important to them feel threatened and the uncertainty around that feels super scary.  Give people some time and space.  Whether or not you agree with their view of the world or their candidate choice, show others compassion and give them space to process their emotions.  Model for your kids what it looks like to show respect for “the other team”.  Don’t gloat.  Don’t share polarizing and insensitive things on social media or group chats.  Let the dust settle and then keep your head down and get back to work making the world a better place - there is a lot of repair to do.

If your candidate loses, take a break from television and social media.  Breathe.  Put your phone down. Go outside and connect with nature.  Play with your kids.  Turn on some music.  Pray.  Have a good cry.  Be tender with yourself while you process the initial wave of emotions.  Keep your fear in check and reach out to a loved one that knows how to meet you where you are and create space for you to get re-centered.  Use every avenue of self care that has worked in the past and every skill you can use to self-soothe and self-regulate.  After you take some time (hours, days, weeks, whatever it takes) - splash some water on your face, open up the blinds to let some sunlight in, and step out into the world ready to re-engage and start living your life.  Be radically selective of what news, political commentators, and social media you access. Identify the areas of your life that you have control over and show up to those areas with grace, strength, and a sense of humor if can swing it.  Do not catastrophize the situation and open up your mind to the possibility that everything might just be ok. Trust that everything this country has overcome will not fall apart with one single election.  Do your part to make sure of that. There will be more elections in the future and more opportunities to elect other candidates. Roll up your sleeves and get to work loving your people, supporting causes dear to you, advocating for the changes you would like to see in the world and invest in communities that embrace love, respect, decency, and practical problem solving.

FIND THE COMMON GOOD: Remember that the overwhelming majority of people that walk this earth are good and decent and want the same things in life that we do.  There are core human needs that drive behavior like the need for safety, the need for love, the need for connection, and the need to matter.  Our life experiences, our cultural and family messages, our values, our family history, our religious beliefs, and our coping skills all shape how we strive to get these needs met and how we experience the world and the people in it.  Other people’s differing viewpoints or belief systems do not have to be a threat to ours.  Our life experiences, opinions, and beliefs don’t make us “right” and others “wrong”.  Even people with shared cultural and religious beliefs have different ideas about how to play those values out in the world.  Make peace with the idea that you don’t have all the information and that expanding your understanding of other perspectives benefits everyone involved. Listen to each other’s stories and experiences that shape them. Take your feelings of self-righteousness and judgement and flush it down the drain. Have compassion and empathy for what it might be like standing in someone else’s shoes. You might just find that we are all more alike than we are different. I promise you, you don’t have all the answers and your neighbor doesn’t either. Learn from each other.

OPEN YOUR MIND   Never underestimate the power of critical thought.  In the age of technology and the information vacuum we can find ourselves in, the ability to critically think can be more and more difficult.   Challenge yourself to see a problem or issue from every single side and perspective before you make up your mind.  Be radically careful about how much time you spend listening to others drill their way of thinking into your mind and conscience.  Avoid listening to leaders that oversimplify complex issues or who show zero respect for others that come from different perspectives.  Do not listen to the same voices over and over again. Even if you agree with their thinking or share similar values, our minds can be manipulated so easily and it can become hard to tell the difference between their perspectives and agendas and our own.  This type of programming is dangerous territory. Never lose the desire to stay curious and learn. In order to live our best lives, we have to stay open to our own growth and evolution. In our divided nation, it is easy to get stuck in our own doctrines and feel threatened when your beliefs are questioned and examined. Find people who challenge you. Look for leaders and scholars that address various societal issues in collaborative ways. It is likely that over time many of our guiding values and principles will stay the same, but it will open us up to more respect for differing viewpoints and ideologies. Spoiler alert: If you are listening to leaders or voices on issues that use insults, shame, and ridicule towards those that do not share their beliefs, you are working against a constructive journey towards healing our nation. This divisive rhetoric will fundamentally change how you view others and desensitize you to cruel and harmful ways of treating others. Decency, respect, and humility are key, fundamental qualities that we need in teachers and leaders to expand our hearts and minds for the greater good.

UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF FEAR AND LEARN TO MANAGE IT  Fear is a powerful force in motivating human behavior.  We will do almost anything to avoid it and are desperate for someone to offer a solution to alleviate the uncertainty and unpredictability of humanity.  Pushing narratives of fear is a successful way to get people to spend money, to vote, and to manipulate power, behavior, and loyalty. Nothing creates more loyalty than uniting a group against a common enemy.  It feels so good to feel empowered in this united force that we often don’t question who the actual enemy is or if there is even an enemy at play in a particular scenario.  The unfortunate truth is that hard things happen in life and many times it is outside of our control. Being human is scary business and love makes us feel so vulnerable.  Our minds can come up with a gazillion scenarios that can keep us up at night.  The key to managing this anxiety is to learn how to tolerate this feeling and trust that you are equipped to handle any hard challenges that come your way.  Each person has the burden of knowing how to manage fear, anxiety, and uncertainty in ways that allow them to live a full life of meaning and purpose.  This is a skill set - learning how to be scared and still show up to your life and your world with courage- even when your voice shakes and your knees feel wobbly.  Find ways to calm your mind, regulate your body, and find peace through faith and spirituality. Although it is counterintuitive, the more you find ways to tolerate the feeling of fear and uncertainty, the more peace you will find. You will feel empowered and centered. You will learn to trust yourself to do hard things and overcome adversity. As you build this confidence from within, you will be less reactive to perceived external threats and you can find peace even in the greatest of storms.

I don’t know much but I know this to be true. Underneath all of our brokenness, there is so much goodness. There is healing power in love, acceptance, faith, and belief in the common good.  We are on this earth for one tiny chapter in our country’s history books. Let’s be on the right side of history after this time of darkness- no matter what the political landscape looks like for the next four years. Let us behave in ways that will make future generations proud when they learn about this time in history. Actively seek out the goodness of humanity and get behind the powerful force of broken, imperfect humans coming together to unite one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Hold yourself to a high standard for doing your own personal work to be a constructive part of the solution. Small changes can make a radical difference. Let us all do our part in our hearts, our lives, our relationships, and our communities to create healing and leave the world better than we found it.

No matter who wins this election. No matter what the fallout might be. No matter how scared we might feel. We will be ok.