Grieving with Hope and Faith

Just as post-traumatic growth is possible after overwhelming and unthinkable situations, grievingwith hope conveys the notion of movement. While the death of a loved one, the death of a dream, or the reality of life’s painful limitations requires that we let go of things that we have cherished, grief can become fertile ground for discovery of meaning and connection to that which is most valuable to us.

Before we consider what we hope for in grief, let’s notice what we fear as we engage grief. We fear the intensity of our feelings. We fear getting stuck in them and losing sight of joy or losing our foundation or our faith. If we open the box of our grief, we fear that we won’t be able to fix breakfast for our children or think straight at work. We fear that we will be alone or that somehow our suffering will reveal something painful about our identity and safety in this world.

As people engage with their grief through a counseling relationship or with family and friends, there is a peace that we seek. We seek the peace of a shared appreciation for that which was lost - as sense of its value and the validity of struggle and sorrow. We seek the peace of knowing that there was nothing we could have done to change the outcome of things. We might seek forgiveness for or understanding of our missteps. We may consider our questions about the divine. We want to know that all the emotions that comprise grief - emptiness, anxiety, relief, guilt, rage, denial, confusion, abandonment- make sense and are allowed.

Processing grief in relationship provides a container for emotions and thoughts that are difficult to bear alone. A mourner needs space and that space can allow feelings to move through like waves and thoughts to be examined against what is most true. As grief is honored and given ample time and space, we can imagine the possibility of the sun coming out. The Easter story illustrates the darkness of betrayal on Thursday and the despair of Christ’s death on Friday. It invites us to consider the agony of Holy Saturday when all seemed lost and all was quiet.

Our grief can feel like one long Saturday, having no idea when the resurrection of Sunday morning will come. Will we end up finding peace in the thought that we will see our loved one again on the other side? Will a new dream come to life that animates us and soothes some of the pain of what we have lost?

In her song, “It Might be Hope”, Sara Groves sings

Hope has a way of turning it's face to you

Just when you least expect it

You walk in a room

You look out a window

And something there leaves you breathless

You say to yourself

It's been a while since I felt this

But it feels like it might be hope

If you are grieving, consider the support of relationship and community. Our culture does not

communally support grief in healthy ways, but help is available and we would be honored to walk with you.